Q: How do I know if my children are truly safe when they move between two homes and I rarely talk to their mom? What should I do if something feels “off”? What’s good ex-etiquette? A: When families reorganize, children begin living in two different environments, and parents naturally worry. But first, let me point out the biggest problem “and I rarely talk to their mom.” That needs to change right away. How will you ever be able to coordinate efforts if you rarely talk to your co-parent? Both homes do not need to look the same, feel the same or run the same. They do, however, both need to feel safe. A truly safe home offers four kinds of protection: 1. Physical safety: reasonable cleanliness, secure surroundings and appropriate supervision. 2. Emotional safety: low conflict, predictable reactions and freedom from adult tension. 3. Relational safety: a child’s ability to love both parents without experiencing guilt or pressure. 4. Developmental safety: routines and expectations that fit the child’s age and abilities. The challenge is that parents often confuse difference with danger. Your child may have a later bedtime in the other home, eat dinner in front of the TV or follow a more relaxed routine. None of these things are inherently unsafe. They may simply be different from what you prefer. Still, some things deserve attention. These include frequent unexplained injuries, chronic lack of supervision, new adults entering the home without explanation, ongoing exhaustion after transitions, or a child who suddenly seems fearful or withdrawn. These signs don’t automatically prove your child is unsafe but they do signal the need for calm, neutral clarification. If something does concern you, respond with measured leadership. Stay child-focused, gather information and when you discuss it with your co-parent. Predictability, calm communication and mutual respect matter more to children than matching routines. That’s good ex-etiquette. Dr. Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and the author of “The Bonus Family Handbook.”/Tribune News Service.
https://www.bostonherald.com/2025/11/23/worried-about-safety-as-kids-switch-homes/
